Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss

Alrighty. So Jessica told me to get a blog so hey, I did. I'm pussywhipped.
Anyway yeah.
Life is so weird right now. On one hand it is just overly complicated, over scheduled, and over dramatized. On the other... well I'm pretty sure there is no other hand right now.
I'm kinda falling into the mood of pretty much saying "go fuck yourself everybody, I'm going to stay home and sleep for a week." No offense to anybody of course, I just want the time to be alone and get my thoughts organized and a good rest. Maybe a blog will work for that.

I think I might quit my job this coming semester. I kinda like school, but honestly this whole "Shift Leader" business is a little stressful. I've only been working for 3 months, I'm really not qualified or cut out for this kind of responsibility and accountability. All the money is used for is spending cash anyway, so it's not like I'm going to be evicted from my house if I quit. Just no more new clothes.

It's really sad. When I think about the most ideal thing that could happen for me right now I think I would just wake up in my bed tomorrow and have blondie be there next to me and just have nothing ever change from that moment on. Do you think I would be happy like that? I dunno, I'd like to think so. I need to find a way to get over this. Still. Wow. It's been a long time. This isn't even right. Not fair. Not to him, or me. He deserves to have a friend who is fine with just being a friend. I deserve to be able to accept that we tried it and it didn't work out and that while it's ok to have some kind of residual feelings; I shouldn't keep myself from being happy like I am right now by hanging on to some fairy tale I made in my head.

Wow. So that was a whole lot of emo.
Sorry 'bout that.


Post Script:
Maybe I'm just using him as an excuse so I don't have to really face my issues with relationships. It's easier to say "No" when I can just say I'm still not over my last relationship. I need a psychiatrist to help with this insanity. But honestly, I just haven't been attracted to those who fancy me. Plain and simple. It usually clicks or it doesn't. The most amazing guy in the world could approach me tomorrow and I would shoot him down if it just doesn't... feel right. It's not his fault and he shouldn't take it personally. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right to me, you know? And I don't want to force something that doesn't feel right to me. I wish I knew what exactly makes it "right" for me. Maybe it's just pheromones.